Where There's Smoke

Today we went down to the lottie to catch up with a few jobs. First we cut down the raspberries, pruned the gooseberries and the blackcurrants. That was a good start. Bumped into Johnnie Badger from 1A can't believe he is 70 on Sunday he is so young at heart and all the years we have known him he is always up to something new. Then we decided we would have a fire as we have been waiting for a while for a dry day. So, with all good intentions, we put down a supply of shredded paper and piled some twigs on top. So far, so good.The next thing was to light it. Easier said than done. The matches which had been kept in the shed were non too dry and wouldn't strike and anyway, they kept breaking in half before you could strike them. Eventually, we did manage to get one to light and put it to the paper. A small flicker of flame ensued. Good!! here we go then for a blazing fire to warm ourselves while we drank our tea. No chance! After a very short time the flame died. Try again. Another small flame and lots of smoke. Lots and lots of smoke. Piled on some more twigs but they were too green to burn. What we needed was a boy scout to show us how to set a fire - along came Mike Hubball to see what all the smoke was about but no helpful advice was forthcoming. He suggested instead that we threw the twigs over the fence like everyone else! Undeterred we had another crack at it until we had drank all the tea, failed miserably, wished we'd tidied the shed instead of wasting our time, shook our heads sorrowfully and went home. Arsonists we are not - silly arses maybe!